My boyfriend and I have been sleeping in separate beds since we moved to our new place a week ago and I'm exploring how I feel about it.
At first it was so that we could get some much needed space after living with extended family during the Covid lockdown for 2 months. There were between 7 and 10 of us living together and sharing 1 kitchen and 1 bathroom that was completely open to the rest of the house, save for the toilet. It was a nice, modern house with beautiful gardens and super comfortable beds, but we were surrounded by kids, big projects and general toddler mayhem almost 24/7 for those 2 months.
When we moved out, we were in dire need of our own personal space from each other, and people in general, so that we could get back to the introvertive, reflective, self-contained and self-reliant ways we both had become so accustomed to over our adult lives.
Having been in our seperate rooms for over a week now, I can confidently say I am well-suited to a simpler life with more time on my own....And that even though it's accepted and expected that all couples who are living together sleep in the same bed, I don't think it's that weird not to all the time, especially if you are a person who is sensitive to other's energies. When we are sleeping, we are in a very receptive space and will most likey mingle energies and psychic space with the one(s) we're sleeping with unbeknownst to us.
And at age 38, I know that being in groups of people for long periods of time doesn't serve me. It's like I lose myself when I'm in groups of people (Unless I'm on a dancefloor) 2 or 3 is good for me, but starting at 4, I become an observer, a listener. I start to watch dynamics. I become reflective, contemplative, taking in all the information I'm receiving from human behaviors and information transmitted.
I don't like being the center of attention in groups or feeling like I'm competing for it. Words in those contexts need to have purpose and higher intention - not ego driven - and sometimes that's what it feels like for me.
When it's loud, I get quiet (unless it's on a dancefloor). If I'm in a social or group setting, I prefer it to be a more quiet, peaceful gathering, in which we can really get to know one another, or an educational one.
In groups, I don't feel my natural function is an entertainer or a connector or a caretaker, but one of quiet, high-quality contribution. A reader. An intuitive processor. A silent communicator.
And at parties and social gatherings, of course, the ones who get the most attention are usually the loudest ones, the brightest and most colorful ones, the ones doing all the talking and not much of the listening - and this becomes our metric of value in society - we assume they're valuable because of the attention their getting, just like anything else, in media or otherwise....and I suppose I've gone through a process about it throughout my life, questioning my own value and wondering about that...
But I guess the conclusion I'm getting to is quite simply, people are infinitely complex and different in the way we process, think, feel and behave. And even though my boyfriend and I both love each other and sleepy cuddles in bed, we seem to be very similar - in that we both need a considerable amount of physical and mental/emotional space to really be ourselves, connect to our own essences, find our power and explore our own creativity, in order to fully flourish and thrive as human beings in this lifetime.
And that's important!
Surely if you are a parent, or in many other situations pondering this, finding this space could be more difficult to achieve. But, I guess what I'm just exploring and sharing here is that there is a very real and human aspect to that need and for it to acknowledged and accepted as completely OK.
Lots of Love
Ashley
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