I'm looking out over a lush green jungle with toucans and monkeys and macaws, onto a deep, mineral rich oceanic gulf and reflecting on how to explain why I moved to Costa Rica...
"Moving" is a strong word. I'm just here now and have everything I need with me in 2 bags.
When I came here for just a week back in February, I hadn't given myself a break or vacation in almost 2 years.
Going on a vacation to a beach anywhere had been on my mind since I moved back to the States from Bali almost 2 years ago....
But I was on a mission to get to a place where I felt comfortable enough financially to travel again....
I was fearful of going because of my fearful "Gotta keep going. Gotta reach my goal. How could I step away from my business for a week or two? How could I afford it?" mentality.
Even though it was what I wanted so deeply in my heart.
I thank FOMO actually for getting me here initially...and my badass Austin girl crew...If it weren't for them all deciding to come here in Feb, I for sure would never have come.
We came, we hung out. It was super chill and relaxing and exactly what I needed.
My body finally relaxed after just a week. My nervous system finally down-regulated and I felt a softness and natural joy in my heart and soul I hadn't felt in a long time....I was nervous about going back to Austin...
As soon as my plane landed, I felt the contrast in my body.... I was stressed, tired, depressed...I was struggling..How could this city and lifestyle have such an effect on me?
I was asking myself the questions like, "Why do I not want to be here? I have awesome friends. Everyone loves Austin. What's wrong with me? Did I fail at making it here? Do I not have what it takes? Why am I actually here? Is this what I truly want?"
And I started praying at night for a clear answer and talking with my coach about it...while I stuffed it away and kept going.
Then one day, I got a call from my stepmom Mickey, out of the frickin' blue.
I had told her nothing about my state of mind coming back.
Yet she was compelled to call me and encourage me to let go of any false beliefs I had that were holding me back from pursuing my happiness and to go where I felt the most peaceful - she said "Ashley, I can read between the lines. You should go back to Costa Rica!"
I could not believe it. Immediately I felt the deep truth of her reflection and started crying. I then started looking into what it would take logistically for me to pack up my life for real and go back to Costa Rica...So grateful for her reflection!
The first few days were very emotional as I let go of the beliefs and dreams I had about Austin and what I was striving for there, but soon logistics started flowing easily for a quick and gentle exit out of the States....
3 weeks and one 5x5ft storage unit later, I was on a plane back to Pavones, Costa Rica. And that's where I write to you from now...It was really that simple.
I don't have a long-term plan. But i'm in a place where I can hear the whispers of my soul much better and it feels oh so right...
The lesson in this experience for me is not to hold onto what I think my life is going to look like so tightly that it holds me back from experiencing deeper joys....
Maybe you can relate?
What is a dream you have that you block yourself by saying, "But I couldn't possibly do that"?
What magic could be awaiting you (of all of us) on the other side of fear? Could it really be as easy as letting go of what we think we're supposed to do?
I want to leave you with this amazing recording of one of his talks back in the days (1970's?) on Dharma and Purpose! I have so enjoyed listening to Ram Dass lately and his teachings are so applicable to our modern delima.
Would love to know what you think!
Holding you in perfect reflection and deeper connection,